| Daydreamer. |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|01:21 pm] |
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Sometimes I daydream about people who might be thinking of me, and what they might be thinking. |
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| Notta Tick. |
[Aug. 4th, 2008|01:48 am] |
I've seen a few creatures that I thought were ticks in my apartment since I've moved in. After checking Wikipedia, I'm relieved - I completely forgot that ticks are arachnids, like spiders, and have eight legs. These little guys only have 6.
I'm still grossed out, but significantly less so. |
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| July 15. |
[Jul. 15th, 2008|10:29 pm] |
Dear Livejournal,
This public entry is brought to you by the letter B, for Beer.
I had a nice time hanging out with my friend Jeff and catching up with him. It's been months. My girlfriend and I broke up a month and a half ago, and one thing that bothered me about our relationship was how I seemed to get reclusive from my friendships, so seeing someone I've known for awhile and getting to talk to them was really nice.
It was gorgeous outside, so I had a real nice walk home, so now I am cracking open a few extra cold ones and craving additional human contact.
This entry, embarrassingly, is public. Enjoy.
SLA |
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| Honesty. |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|03:14 pm] |
Last night, as I was bringing in my kitchen supplies and filling my fridge with groceries, I was thinking a lot about how much my life has changed in the last month. I'm finally going in the direction I want to be: I live close enough to my job to ride my bicycle (for now, anyway!), I'm single, living on my own, fully responsible for my situation, and life feels so completely full of opportunities and LIMITLESS. Plus, after some intense self-examination and introspection, I've really felt great about myself and the decisions I made to get here - you know it, I've written about it. I feel confident, strong, intelligent, attractive. Over the last year, I've lost a good amount of weight (and am now starting to work on getting rid of the few pounds I gained back), and put myself in a positive frame of mind.
Everything I've done has turned out wonderfully. Except for one stupid thing that I did three weeks ago - or rather, something that I now perceive as a stupid thing because of the isolation I'm now confined to without answers as to why. And, the longer this goes on, the more painful it is.
I told one of the best friends and most important people in my life that I care about her as more than a friend. And that I didn't want to let those feelings get in the way of my friendship with her, because she is that important to me. Her response was anger without explanation, and a demand for space.
I've tried my hardest to give her that space, but this is eating me up. I feel like a person who has lost an arm, but can still feel their phantom limb, and is trying to use it to pick up the pieces. I am sad. I miss my friend.
I have written filtered entries about this, but I feel like that is deceitful and I hate that I can't be honest with myself. No more. I'm tired of feeling like this journal is a place where I can hide all my secrets - I don't want any more secrets. I want open dialogue and honesty, and I want to feel like my friends will stand by me no matter what, because I've done right by them, love them, and would move the fucking earth for them. Because I would. And anyone who has ever spent any reasonable amount of time with me knows that I am really bad at holding my feelings in, but that I am not ill-intentioned and if you have ever shown me any kind of loyalty, I will defend that loyalty forever.
I miss you, Laura. And every day I have to think about why I made you so mad that I deserve this makes me question if I should've ever said anything at all, but I keep coming to the same conclusion: I can't and won't apologize for telling somebody they are loved, whether or not those feelings are reciprocated. Life is too goddamn short, and I have way too much heart to sit here and hold it all in. |
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| Getting to know me. |
[May. 8th, 2008|04:33 pm] |
I'm a pretty guarded person, and I'd wager most people don't know me very well because of it.
If there's a question that's on your mind or has been on your mind, or you're just curious to know a little bit more about me, ask it here and I will reply. Comments will be screened initially, but will be unscreened as I answer them (and as seems appropriate). |
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| Chattin'. |
[Mar. 18th, 2008|09:43 am] |
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Holy crap, Gmail lets you log into your AIM buddy list now. Awesome! |
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| Also, what the hell? |
[Mar. 7th, 2008|11:13 am] |
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It's been over a year since my last public entry. How did that happen? |
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| Records. |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|02:24 pm] |
I put a record on my turntable earlier today and it sounded SOOO BAD. I lifted the lid, and it sounded better. I've never noticed this problem before. Did a little research online, and apparently this is common with some turntables - the lid sort of acts like an empty room where sound is bouncing around, and that's picked up by the needle and sent out through your speakers.
Now my lid is detached, and I'm enjoying some records that before I only thought sounded "ok". What a difference this makes - who knew? |
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| Why does this stuff always happen right by my vehicle? |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|05:22 am] |
I was playing ToeJam & Earl at 2:30 in the morning when I heard a commotion outside. At first, I thought it was just the neighbors bickering (which, actually, would've been a first because I've never heard any fighting from outside). A woman kept yelling, "Get down! Get down!", and that's when I realized there were lights flashing outside my window.
11 squad cars were in front of my house, and people were being cuffed right by my van.
I sat and watched for maybe 10 minutes, trying to make sense of the scene, but in the end, I have no idea what happened. And it's weird that I never will. |
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| Overexaggeration. |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|08:35 am] |
Death in the family, relationship troubles, getting laid off, homelessness, terminal illness, a broken nail, chipped tooth, kidney stone, lost pet, etc.:
Nothing is worse than running out of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. |
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| Welcome back, Kotter. |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|03:58 pm] |
Yeah, hey, what's up, friends?
This month has been all sorts of crazy. I've spent a lot of time out of town, I'm down to one other roommate, and my job search starts this week. I'm also considering going back to school as an option, though, while in the shower, I realized that I could maybe just get a low-paying monkey job at a coffeeshop or a record store or something - somewhere where I would hopefully make at least $8 an hour - and work toward a longer-term big-boy's job. I might wind up taking that path.
But yeah...last weekend I was in Chicago and Milwaukee, where I bought a really amazing hooded sweatshirt, saw lots of friends, and had arguably the best time out of all the time I've spent on the road since mid-October. This weekend, she was a good'un.
I'm pretty stoked right now on the following things:
-voting tomorrow
-getting a new job
-going on dates (I haven't yet, but soon?)
-writing more
-drawing more
-doing some upcoming web development (I gotta followup on that one)
-reading a book or two
-new music!
It's good to be home. It was great to visit new places, but my heart is definitely in Minnesota. |
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| Massage. |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|02:59 pm] |
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I got my first ever massage today. It felt great, but I have a feeling it isn't going to last long. Still, it was nice to get all the tightness in my muscles worked out - years and years of stress have certainly accumulated in my shoulders, and (more than I knew!) my legs. |
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| Back to work. Or back to school. |
[Oct. 30th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
So, here we are. Yesterday was 100 days of unemployment. I'm ready to start looking for a job.
One consideration that's sticking in my mind, however, is the one of going back to school. This has long been on the back burner (ten years!), and every time it pops up in my mind, there exists a wide range of emotions, the prominent one being fear, followed by dread.
I think, of all my options, going to school would be the best. But, see, I have no idea how to do it. I was basically robbed of the opportunity to have the time and resources to figure that out when I was in high school because, well, not only was I a dumb kid at the time, but I was also beat up and forced to move out shortly after I turned 18 - with 7 months of school still ahead of me.
But, I'm thinking of making some calls this week. I no nothing of financial aid, or any of that stuff, but I know I'm going to have bills that need to get paid, and I also know that I would like to earn a degree to give myself a better chance long-term.
Or maybe I can just come up with that great money-making idea that so many other high school (but not college) graduates have done.
I wish I was smarter.
Anyway, that's where I'm at. I'm at a crossroads right now, where I need to do the right thing and put my life back on track, and in many ways, I know another shitty job isn't going to cut it. But I need to figure something out before I run out of this money, because opportunities will run out with it, and then I will be doubly fucked. |
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| Testing the LJ Talk interface |
[Oct. 30th, 2006|01:20 am] |
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Hello? Is this thing on? |
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| Sunday Sunday Sunday. |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|10:51 pm] |
Today was awesome because I went and saw Jackass Number Two and its stupid humor made me laugh a lot. I also went to the Target in Eagan and found seasons 2 & 3 of Arrested Development, and also bought seasons 5 & 6 of The Simpsons, so now I have lots more funny stuff to watch.
I visited my mom and saw her new plasma television that she won from work. It's pretty cool. She says she's gonna pay for high-definition cable (it's only $5 more per month), and I told her she's in for a treat and that an HD picture blows the doors off a regular one.
She gave me $50 for my birthday, which basically paid for half of what I spent. Cool.
When I got home, I finished the rest of season 4 of The Simpsons, took a nap, then went out to a punk show, but I wasn't there for very long. Saw the band I really wanted to see, and then got my typical weird anxiety about standing in a room full of people I don't know, so I took off.
So now, I will probably stay up much too late, once again, and start watching these DVDs. |
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| Keith Olbermann. |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|02:26 pm] |
He makes me proud every time he speaks against the lies and deceit of the Bush Administration. One of the only true heroes in the American media today.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15147009/ |
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| Meh. |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|09:56 pm] |
I've spent an unhealthy amount of time sleeping today. Seriously, I woke up at 2 this afternoon and was back in bed by 6 or 6:30, and I just woke up about 20 minutes ago.
I'm restless and lonely and don't really know what to do tonight. I was going to go to a show, but it started at 8 and I'd imagine is almost over now. I will probably sit around bemoaning this fact until it's too late to go anywhere at all. I wish I knew how people handled situations like this for themselves. |
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| Staying home on a Friday night is warranted on occasion. |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|02:23 am] |
I have the most exciting moments of happiness and clarity when I'm out in the neighborhood, just sitting on a curb or a bench and taking in everything that's going on around me. Whenever this happens, I usually can't wait to get home so I can document it for later. To remember what it feels like.
I get into this room, and it all disappears from me.
You know when you have too much to drink, and you feel like you're going to throw up? I never want to throw up. I *hate* puking. But, inevitably, if you can't hold it in any longer, and you have to let it go, you feel a lot better afterward. Sometimes it's worth it.
On the vomit tip, relatedly, crying is similar, I think.
I watched two movies tonight - Old School and Lords of Dogtown. The former was a pretty funny comedy (the character Megan Huang was played by Sara Tanaka, and when I saw her I got a big smile on my face because I have the hugest crush on that actress - she played Margaret Yang in Rushmore), and the latter was (inspired by) a true-story about basically the birth of modern skateboarding. Lords of Dogtown had some genuinely sad moments in it, and I got a little misty-eyed. But I didn't cry. And I'm starting to wonder why I hold it in, especially when I'm at home watching a movie by myself.
Anyway, even though I didn't cry, the combination of watching a few good movies, riding my BMX down to SA, buying a Hershey chocolate bar and seeing the clouds and stars in the blue night sky brought me a little slice of happiness. And when I'm happy, things get really clear and I feel good about myself and my life and I don't worry so much about the things outside of my control. I just take it in, and watch the story around me unfold.
I think that's a good way to approach things. |
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| Summit Avenue. |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|02:03 pm] |
I rode my bike down Summit today and shot a bunch of pictures, but these are the only two I really liked.
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